Bring up Baba by Birsa-4

Why are you so serious faced , Baba?-- the most dreadful question that i face.
The usual Saturday-- the days when both of us spend most time together doing chores. He- doing-Homework, projects, tinkering with robots, electronics, computers, katta practice and simple fooling around. Me- trying to catch up on never ending stuffs- next week- customer presentation, juggling multiple issues- all the while, catching up on technical reading and also just following the set down instructions to keep the gentle brat on track.The days i treasure the most... sometimes full of work to the last minute, mostly more rigorous even than normal week days but very fulfilling. but yes-- then that question from Birsa. Why the serious face?

Mostly my answer will be- I am thinking. I am concentrating.
Immediately he will answer- Chill!! Baba- sob thik hoye jabe (Everything will soon be perfect!!). That makes me realise this 10 year old Gentleman is me in mirror. That same optimism that defines my entire life. Deep breath... 1,2,3...Just enjoy the time with him.

Amrita gets less saturday's off now because of increased workload. But Birsa never complains. He is just happy to do as per the plan set by mumma and as long as Baba does not get paranoid -- he is fine.I think he treasures these too.  May be one day when he reads these lines (in future)... he can tell me what was the real deal? Did I meet his standards?

The standards are always high.
Birsa says suddenly--
You only told baba- not to worry- just to do your work to perfection. so why you are worried. You are doing the work, na?

Yes Birsa... but I am not sure.
I am under pressure..
I have many things to do. Too much of target and not much of safety net.
I am worried.

Thats ok baba...
.. Baba i think you are serious because you are taking yourself seriously.

So????
Yes I need to be serious about that tech day prep. I need to reply customer's email and answer & assure.why the gateway did not come, why fae did not do the work on time. why the package was empty? why the documentation on github is not clear?
or why you suggested this part and no support now? all life and death type stuff.

Na it is never so.. baba. You take yourself very seriously.

That is below the belt hit... birsa.

Baba- while you do your work. you should just do the work. Others are not thinking about you. So why to be serious about them.

Bam!! That's true....

======================
isn't it-- that true- i was prepared but at 11th hour customer changed the schedule. they were not ready.
Don't i know even though i will complete my stuff but there will be delays, loss of face. because the chain will never be complete. someone will not quote on time, someone will not update. Then the usual stuff. everyone busy. but doing what?
Maybe- i just think too much about myself.
Maybe.. or why maybe.
it must be- why to take myself seriously. noone is bothered what i think or do or feel.

so???

let us make that sky king paper airplane...this time- we make the folds better...

Never give up on- one sided love stories!!

"Sorry Sambit, you couldnot make it this time". The final words from the well dressed HR person had it's ring of finality. I was not surprised, but was sad. It was the dream technology company that i always wanted to work as an engineer. The criteria to sit in the mass recruiting exam itself was quite daunting. Somehow I could clear the written and the first interview.. but the 2nd itself was huge bummer. The academics track record that the company asked for- was not for me.You know that feeling... when that first sweet love you desired for and you attempt and then it remains like that. like that--- just in air. Tears welling out from internal somewhere. That turns and twists in heart. That forced brave face.. and you are out of that big hotel. 

Many had told me-- they are world's best Embedded company, making path breaking semiconductors. My dream... VLSI field. That year was phenomenal.. I could handle this rejection also--another one sided love affair. I wonder how a 23 year old could handle 3 one sided love affairs and its rejections.

Scratched it all 3- all off--one by one- attempted but failed.

But never gave up. Never ever gave up on the love affairs.

Kept it in view.. in sly..just like any other one sided love affairs,obstinately true to self, true to heart. When did i ever listened to cold reasoning of my head?

Next 5 years-- gave me 1 more opportunity-- this time for the position of MTS- wireless engineer. They were working on 3G. This time- the rejection was short and very quick. i think they asked me 4 questions- and it was disaster. By this time- the 8 rejections in SSB was distant memories. So love affair with flying was getting replaced quickly by flights to all over the places. Being in program of supporting india's 5th Gen Aircraft had its own merits. Could see atleast from very close quarters-- those lucky chaps who get to ride those beauties. Somehow to stick my name to Air data computer... so there remains a permanent mark of mine.. with that love affair atleast. 

Ten years after graduation...I was 2 years into handling the biz affairs for my dream company.Gave it all that i had... Grew it like anything. Still it was -- like a love affair - which was never consummated. I knew for sure- it never will. So made it my own. Doing so much hard work that --i could reach one day a celebration dinner. I was feted and recognized...but not as her own-- but of channel.. That's still ok. Ahh. in that dinner that HR person also was there. Just for the sake of it... went , shook hands, people introduced me. clinked my glass. 

Another 10 years passed by. Flying all over the world - and the Tejas program seeing production- and I could tell myself. Now i can give up.

But a 20 hours of flight.. full flight i just saw the flight path. the technicalities proved to me.. the love affair with flying will not die ever.

at 8 pm- i landed in Fort Worth...

"Good evening Brother.. where do you want me to take you, today?"

Deep sweat broke through me... Did that somalian origin American saw something in me?

Somehow handed him the hotel address in East George Bush highway.

Then mustered enough courage- and asked him. Will you please stop near a boulevard once i see it?

Sure bro... you are paying sir.... pat came the reply.

soon I could see the entrance. What majestic. The lien card gone. no more love possible. even from far apart. Got down.

Brother- what is it? no.. you should not take picture. It is company building.. They may suspect. it is chilled here brother. let's go??

yes let us go.

Finally I could come and see you my love. Maybe he saw the tears.. the driver. Brother you are a good man.. donot ever give up.

Yes... I never give up. Never gave up my love for flying, never ever give up loving her, analog company now...it is anyways a one sided love affair. Why should i give up loving? what for?

 

छिपकर रो लेता हूँ

कभी कभी छिपकर रो लेता हूँ
हसना तो खुले आम आता हैं मुझे
उस मासूमियत के पीछे
 मालूम
कितनी दर्द समा  रखा हूँ।|

कभी किसी को बोल पाना
वरा अजीब सा लगता हैं
मैंने जीता तो बहुत कुछ
खोया कुछ
कम नहीं |

आज भी दिल थोकर
खा कर करहा उठता हैं
अक्सर
फिर दिल को खुद ही
सम्हाल लेता हूँ |

हस कर बातें बना लेता हूँ
जरूर , लेकिन
उनकी राह देखता रहता हूँ
पता रहता हैं की वह खुश हैं
बस इसी से अपनी तसल्ली कर लेता हूँ |

अपनी चीख  को रोक कर
कायरों की तरह
 छिपकर रो लेता हूँ 

Transit musings

Sitting alone at corner of the airport.Colombo airport. Transit time. 2 more hours before flight back to Bangalore. Then go home , get prepared and again reach airport.. Badsha going home. Those drumbeats in heart. Those thought process before you meet parents.. whom you love the world. It's crowded airport. But sure transit time alone is lonely. You can read, reread the whatsapp message from people who matter to you. Then you tend to think how much you matter to them. It's true..We should not introspect.. in hearts of hearts you kNow you matter nothing. This life is only to give. Never ask. You don't deserve love. The world needs to get the last drop out from you. Once this is figured out... I am at peace. Tired, lonely but peaceful. The hurt, rejections, the losses, the ein, the snide remarks... Nothing matters.  Once I know I matter to none. I become one of universe. When your life long it has been only giving without reciprocity.. it matters nothing.

Sleepless in Singapore

Thunderclaps faded but still the echo remains. Surprised to see heavy rains in Singapore during end September . Was not feeling like eating . The full day was in meetings, training sales and faes. That too not of my own team. But it takes me hardly 5 minutes to connect. Was doing it as first run after role change. Then the dinner with new boss. Andy has been a great champion for me. Hope I can meet and exceed the expectations of all. Right now I am sleepless... A plethora of emotions....Feeling chilled.. stopped the ac. Listened to quite Katong neighborhood. Sometimes silence of surrounding speak so many things. I need to listen.
So many hopes and misgivings. A sense of success along with trepidation. Failure is never an option. So let me work harder... It is 1am in Katong... I know when I will look back on this day..I can proudly tell myself.. I tried my best..Efforts were 100 percent plus. Time only will say if this sleepless soul will get peace someday...

Sales Wins

Every sales person has an arsenal of stories. The war stories. ones with real battle scars. Some hits and many ' near hits'. After nearly 20 exciting years in field- I thought of documenting some of mine. The list is not complete and like any true blue sales person- I am sure there will be more wins in next 20 years. And being positive I know they will be so BIG that i may forget the ones below..

ok enough bragging...

My first win was in Pune and was purely accidental. It was to BT and it was a visit with my colleagues and i just showed a fpga based card- they liked the demo and i had my first sales of rs10K. During that time- my role was mixed bag. Used to sell lots of training services and lab set up sales. I evolved into a good techno-commercial sales guy. I will find which college have funding and then pitch to entire hierarchy. It was not an easy sales and it taught me the basics. I also used to help our resellers sell more by doing technical demos and doing lot of 'pre-sales'. My first big sales was in BMS college, Bangalore ( Rs-2.5Lakhs)- and implementation was really tough. I failed many times before i could make things ok. My territory was first Pune , then Mumbai-- entire stretch of colleges. so it used to be fun. I used to put all the different evaluation boards ( FPGA/ CPLD boards), software CD, cable testers, telephone testers ( CDOT approved) and used to literally go door to door. Lots of cold calling. lots of research on web ( it was new that time). Cold calling over phone... gut crushing waits at reception and travel. Travel through bus, train and famous local trains of Mumbai. This was the story from 2000 to 2001. 2002-2003- i was having a great territory- Karnataka, Kerala, Goa and Tamilnadu and also Hyderabad to support Raghu. Goa was my favourite. I used to take rental bikes.. and there was this guy called Alvin .. who will ferry me from college to college. and also in Terna industrial area. so many customers. Slowly but surely I became a known face in all DRDO & ISRO labs and also in design houses.
Thanks to my mentor Rakesh Mehta sir- I learnt real sales. the classic-'jhola sales'. One day I plan to write a book on those techniques. It may have some value for some sales guys. I always want to tell to my next generation-- it does not matter if you are not lucky, if you are hard worker and strong willed- you can achieve anything and everything.
2003- my first 10Lack Rs order- my first major order from dRDO labs. then it was no looking back..2003 was seminal year for me as a sales guy. The FPGA market was growing, Educational institues were investing and I was working like there is no tomorrow. By the time I left Bitmapper/MTE-- teh results were astounding- Grew the biz value to Rs90 lakhs from rs 10lakhs-- in 2 years.
CG-Coreel- the territory was Hyderabad and it became sales of EDA tools. i learnt very fast, scaled up evry fast and basically enjoyed closing orders. This was the time i closed my first $200K USD order. The actual value was- $231K USD. that too to CMC/ Tata group. No. of orders closure in 2003-2005 was ( i kept a count)- 82 different orders from 26 different customers. Value wise it was nearly $2.5M. I must thank John sir, Raghu sir, Aravind, sujay for teaching me.
At periphery- there were mentors like Neeraj sir. Frankly-- I was scared of Viswa. he once dragged me by hand and showed how tardily i quoted to customer ( he listed 10+ points of defect).. ohh learnings...and learnings...Basics.. nowadays who has time to teach young sales people the basics.
Ramesh Babu was quite inspirational. I will rmember my biggest loss- Anurag- DFT tools loss to cadence. self and aravind was devasted after the loss- but he perked us up.
Changed over to Avnet. ohh and it was like dropping from fast flowing river to ocean. It too me nearly 6 months of confusion to learn semiconductors sales. Here i learnt from peers and seniors. Ravi, prasanna, youvraj...
First 100k order was BEL traffic light- osram led... what fun ti was. First 500k order- manpack radio.
First 1M$ order--- ITI.
Then i shifted to marketing. My sales work continued.
2008- Biggest order-$8M- Tablet
209- another $7.8M.hpl meter.
In between- it became single orders to recurring revenue orders, segment orders. I learnt and grew. started launching products.

some other day- the story- of  creating- low power RF business from scratch. The first RF meter testing in daman and mumbai.
the story to create a business from 0 to $5M.
The story of growing from another linecard from $8M to $38M...

Sales is beautiful game. It teaches more and takes a lot...
I am indebted to it-- so many pain to gloss over. And you forget the pain-- when you get the order.... that $15M fpga.. that $5M gprs modem.

Failures teach you-- you can always rise again. Now i must close- lest it sounds like rambling.

Feedback

According to me- there are two major tools in our business world and both are highly underrated. First one is Feedback and second one is Forecasting. Forecasting business trends, numbers is both an art as well as deep science. there are realms of stuff written on it and it is my life long passion to study and study more about it. But today the note that i write is on the first tool- Feedback. Due to my DDI training and other exposures- I learnt early in my work career that Feedback is really a gift. It is very precious gift , if you can really know how to use it. Both giving it and receiving it requires finesse and enough maturity.
It is something to do with me- I remember most of the feedback. Many has stuck in mind like a solid rock.Most i liked during my amazing journey, some i just wished was not thrown at me. But i guess it is balanced to have it all and learn from them. I do believe that there is only positive feedback and feedback / opportunity to improve.  There can be no negative feedback atall.

Positive feedback during my early days were all regarding my personality- Teachers, parents, freinds used to tell me- how magnetic personality I have, from very early stage- i had this habit of showing dadagiri.. in everything i do. So I used to run for many offices in schools. House captains, perfect positions, school committee leaders, class monitors etc. Everytime it used to be very serious affair for me. must win types. Teachers used to tell me- my good reading habits, integrity and honesty. Generally a good boy reputation. These feedback helped me to put myself in an orbit- from where I never slipped up.. Thankfully .... (Though if allowed, i will do admit, there has been mistakes and oversights like any other normal person.. means even i cannot say i lived up 100% upto what those positive feedback entailed me to.

Opportunities to improve were always the same... it was so similar across board that i am drilled with them.. procrastination, and telling needless lies being 2 most cited.While early days of schooling till university this was general trends. Feedback became much more precise from my engineering days.
One i remember- one interact/rotary field volunteer days- i asked from a well known doctor of Nagpur -- a monogrammed hat-- just to protect self and team from hot sun. Being a good natured person- he offered all the goodies he had as a senior Rotary member. But i stood my ground and took only 6 caps. He was surprised... His feedback - ' bahut nek ho, aage jaoge'...stills erves the purpose- when i am in doubt.
During my struggling days- there were numerous mentors who helped me to come out of abyss. Reading books helped. listening to seniors, my parents- positivity helped me sail through.
There was this feedback- when i was punishing myself with increased work load just to forget my pain.. sometime at end of last century..'men like you need not break over trifle matters- break the barriers.. you are built to break the ceiling.. my son' . Thank you sir....You made me strong.
Later when i learnt STAR method of feedback and i still enjoy teaching this method of feedback to my team- i remember one thing. a warm word and warm hug goes a long way to make men stronger and get them give their best to their leader.
Finishing off with an anecdote-

It was 18th oct'19 and i was stuck in trivandrum keys hotel. due to a local strike. The housekeeping guy ahd helped me throughout to do some meeting and served me very well.It was my festival time but work and some otehr commitment kept me going.The person came and requested that can he count on me to give him feedback. i wrote a long positive feedback. He read it slowly and then came back with a small paper- which i have preserved. It is the way he wanted em to give the same feedback. The algorithm approach deserves a doctoral thesis on human emotions and mind.If youa re not able to decipher the image above- it is very simple- he wanted me to Google--> then go to trip advisor--> search for keys hotel--> write same good stuff--> then add his name and department.

For such small but significant events of my life.. I am in so much love with this beautiful life.

Purpose of our actions

 Our life is a string of actions. And every action has a result. We can always think that -what we are supposed to do. Are we on right track ? Are we doing what we are supposed to do or just going through the motions? Often it assails our mind ...Are we doing serious stuff or not? There will be many naysayers around us who will say in condescending manner.Enough..This is not what we are supposed to do. Every action of our life is defined by the purpose of what we strive to be... Hence we must take seriously what we are doing. Idea is not to just exist, but to live..Anyone can just exist and think that he or she is leading a perfect life.Safe zone. No risk. But if there is no pain, no loss, no rejection, no struggle..Is it really worth it?.. We got to live a purposeful life..wearing and worn out at end.A life for others.Inspiring others, loving and caring for others. But all without expecting anything in returm so that when we are no more around, there are memories hard to shake off. leave a legacy...

--sparked by a short one sentence during a long drive-"I don't know what am I doing?" And inspired by a short chat...

Jacobin Cuckoo

Maybe just for you
I have been waiting forever
I know dark clouds
being unique
I wait for you forever.

I drew that myself
The dark clouds
I wait for you
From beginning till end
Just to know you

I donot know if it will ever
happen or not.
Nevertheless i still wait-
countless dark afternoons
have passed
the arid smell has turned into whiff of mist
Still I await to quench my thirst

I know you are unique...
I know the dark clouds will
increase my hope
I wait still
Neck still.. and stiff
with increased hope

If ever at this end-
i fly from end to end
I can reach to the end
just for you

=======================================
Jacobin Cuckoo-- Chataka in Sanskrit
above poem is inspired by words of song- sudhoi tomar jonno (manna dey) seasoned with  my twist ,and quirks :-)

Bouncing back from dissapointments...2 simple drugs

Two things I force myself to do to bounce back from deep disappointments. 1st is immersing myself in a very good fiction book, anytime I will have a long pending half finished book. 2nd is writing down.. it used to be journals earlier, nowadays I try to write down in notes app.. then may be if not very personal share it in this obscure blog entry that I maintain. Alternate to my first idea is immersing myself in very hard and difficult work. Basically keeping myself away from negative emotions. There is always the opportunity to talk with someone very close... Maybe best friends , parents, wife or son or with teammates. Increasingly I find people not much interested in conversation but they are all connected. All the apps , socialmedia which are fantastic connectio
n enabler but somehow something is missed.
I also believe the down times like these has helped me a lot. Whether it was loss of an important place in March past or at the last moment thrown out of extempore speech competition. The reading of les miserables in 4 hours flat helped me a lot. In one case I remember I wrote a long article and it got published. Later when I grew up and in college I remember the poor academic records used to put me in dumps but  reading good books used to perk me up. I remember reading a brief history of time ..Surrounded with mosquitoes after failing a particular subject for 2nd time. I still get nightmares about that. My greatest downtime was in year 2000.. when I faced multiple rejections , hurt and bruised- I had to.employ both no.1 and 2 trick. But the fiction was replaced by scriptures like Gita, vedas and re reading of works of swami vivekananda and swami abhedananda. On a particular winter night , I remember writing pages and pages of emotional poetry. Then late at night understood it is of no use. The pages and writings .. I tore them.off slowly but deliberately and threw them.over mutha river. That bridge walk was one of the loneliest. Tears of anguish but then I calmed down. Next 2 years I worked like a man possessed. Slowly but steadily I got grips. It took me 10 years of struggle and very very hard work to come to little bit of sanity. Things started looking up. Small but significant success started coming up. Still there were deep disappointments. Seniors taking away credits, peers just sidelining you, teammates back stabbing... Once I worked very hard to get a line card and when everything was set and I was expecting that I will get the chance to go to US to study more about it.. boss assigned it to someone else.This time binge reading of 12 Agatha Christie's and 3 omnibuses of PG Wodehouse helped. Today again when another such lost opportunity and that feeling comes... Such things you cannot tell also. Hence I wrote... Will it help if i post it.. who cares?? And next I will read again a Wodehouse and mati nandi...So what I did all the hard work for 15 years and others will enjoy the adulation of supplier in US. There will be better opportunity for me.

The road back home

Road trips for road warriors are always meaningful. Specially if it is familiar road, one which you take very frequently. But today was different. For some reasons unknown to me. It was the familiar road from BIAL  Bangalore airport to home. Each time I come back from trip. It is always in my mind some kind of trip review. Sometimes I will be happy and drunk on the success of trip, sometimes pensive about losing a big order. Sometimes I will be relieved , sometimes overjoyed to have the prospect of getting a warm hug from Amrita and Birsa. Many a times full of resolve to do something new. But today I was feeling tired  and sad. Very sad. Usually the meru cabs will fly on the road and I will marvel. Today somehow I felt betrayed, unrecognized and bit sidelined. Maybe it was the same feeling that Alexander the great got when he was returning back from the bank's of Indus. Maybe my accomplishment will someday be recognized and recorded. Years of hard work will be rewarded. I live on hope.. I look forward.

काश

काश यह हो पाता
वो मेरी होती
और मैं उसका।
काश यह हो पाता
सपनो में उन्हें पाने की जगह
वो होती मेरी हर ख़ुशी की वजह।
तलाश ना जाने किसकी हैं इन आँखों को,
हासिल हैं बहुत कुछ....
मगर तसल्ली फिर भी नहीं..
वो याद आये यूँ ही बहुत..
की लौट आएं सब सिलसिले...
वो ठंडी हवा, वो  गिरते पत्ते
और वो नवंबर का महीना।
याद हैं अभी भी मुझे
वो गम,
जो नही हुआ कभी कम।
इतना प्यार,
फिर भी कुछ ना पाने का गम।
कितनी बातें
बस मन में थाम,
चल पड़ा मैं फिर दिल को थाम।
दोपहर हो आयी जिंदगी की
ठंडी शाम की हैं स्थिति,
तब जाके कहीं वो मिली हस के
कुछ चंद मिनटों में,
निकल ही गया मेरे से
क्या था मेरा सपना
जो उसे साथ न दे पाया।
प्यारी सी हँसी हस के
उसने निगल गयी
मेरी इच्छा को।
कह दी बस मेरे सुकुन के लिए
फिर कहीं, फिर कभी।

The Squall

The lighting breaks afar

signalling that soon we will have 

relief from hot weather.

The gust of wind 

brings the sweet smell of 

water inside the air.

The small plant bows

with seeds yet to sow

With painful eye

of squall 

Sudden declaration of 

thunder

its here--

The hot and humid afternoon turn into 

an unruly tempest

Bringing up memories of past

Better not to think.

The squall within-

brings the tear drops

As if it was stalled 

for long.

The high winds- gets

slow

as fast as it 

showed

its fury

its lightening

Bring up Baba by Birsa- 3

Summer holidays have started. These are the time- I enjoy because it gives more time to interact with Birsa. As both myself and Amrita work and there will be 6 weeks when we have these small problem-- of leaving Birsa alone at home. Till last year- we will put him to summer camps. The straight talker that Birsa is-- he complained 2 years in row-- " these classes are not teaching me anything that i donot know". This year he was very clear and adamant- he doesnot want to join the summer camps and waste money. But he is like any 10 year old and we were worried how he can manage alone till one of us return home everyday. Thankfully my mother in law decided to spend 2 weeks with us and that was a great relief.Add to it due to general elections- we had this week- which had 4 days holiday in row.
Birsa does not mince word about the feedback he gives. innocent words but pointed. Though he is very diplomatic with all others but with me he shoots directly. I take those feedback as gift and opportunity to learn & improve.This year also i bought lot of worksheets and experimented with different kind of activities. But I do get excited and my sense of discipline sometimes makes me scold him. He gave a pointed feedback few days back- "I know when you scold you want me to avoid wrong, but you can always point out the wrong and allow me to correct rather than shouting". I was like--- .... OMG......So I asked --" was that a feedback?"-- he told yes... it was a point to improve and gave me that studied look.
Talking about feedback--
During her stay with us my mother-in-law had this practice of making sherbet ( a Varanasi version of lemonade)- twice a day. I also got it 2-3 times and felt that it was easy to make. Yesterday- when summer activities were bit boring and my emails/calls all over- I thought to give it a try. I become a full fledged chemistry student inside kitchen-- and that is why I am barred to carry out much activities by Amrita. However - it was just lemonade.. so I got my chance. I did accurate measures of sugar, lemon was properly de-seeded, and put in equal measures.Right mix of cold and hot water was done and then ice cubes were given. Finally the end result was tasted-- i found it to good to go.
After i served it to both-- Amrita's feedback as usual is -- Good ( condescending teacher that she is!!! never gives feedback which hurts in any way). Birsa's feedback was very interesting. umm.. baba- it is good , rather very good, but still not as good as Dimaiya's  (my mother in law) one. Seeing my puzzled look he assured- I will still give you 8 out of 10. You missed tiny bit of salt and forgot to put love as much as Dimaiya does.

A very valuable lesson and feedback for me. In pursuit of excellence- whether it is solving customer problem or helping a maker/start up realize the product- do i not get into all business and forget that love part?
So - love more, judge less, work harder and make it better.

A simple thought for the other half

She was in her zone. In those special times when she is focused and knows what to do and how to do. When the what, why and where is clear in mind. Something to do and leave a mark. It was not much about money but there was this nagging ache somewhere... Ohh to be recognised as greatest in the world. She of all people, being very practical knew it is not easy... It was damn difficult but she also knew it was not impossible. Like any ordinary person who has huge bag load of ambition and eyes full of dream.. she wanted to make a difference. She was the lovely fighter, and never wants to give up. So what she got married at tender age despite being one of the smartest in university. So what she had to adopt a family and follow the norms of society. So what she was told 'this is it'. Remain satisfied with what you got and stop dreaming about yourself. You are allowed to dream only about others, help others to achieve their dream. Life long 'sewa'.  But she dreamed
....
Dreamed to be someone to be recognised. Someone to make difference and get recognised. Little hatke. With fiery desire...In her heart. Was there support?. Yes.. but limited.

Does the above paragraph seems cliche. It is..The same story in and around you , my dear man... And we the superb men of India act like ostrich and keep our head inside the sand. Not out of fear but sheer lack of empathy. That has made us lose a huge chunk of precious human capital. I wonder if we could have harnessed this 'sakti' properly ..How will we be benefitted. It will be sheer astronomical gain.
How do I contribute to.make it better for her?
As a start, encourage and encourage. There are enough people to say negatives and pull her down. I don't want to be the one.
Because I wonder even if I the one third the zeal what she has... I would be a much better man.
And they deserve my unconditional love. Love which is without agenda and love which is without any expectation.
Third, they will face conflicts from different players  and layers of relationship. I will have to help her, sometimes i may seema foolish but let it be.  She deserve to have atleast one who thinks the world of her and loves her a little too much.
Will it make any big impact?
The jury will be out till there will be some visible results. But yes, there will be eternal satisfaction... I tried.

P.S.. and-Then there is this lady whom i love little too much.. who would like to sleep a little bit more. I want her to be guilt free and often tell it is ok to let her hair down a bit-- it is ok to have different push and pull in life. Have so many commitments at different front. anyways seven hours is must at this age and profile. We can never compare or strive to be another Modi-- that relentless prime minister who i wonder when he rests.. and still achieves so much more. Lead a lovely and blessed life.

Identity Crisis

It is election time- 2019 General elections. Elections in India is a spectacle, it is dance of democracy and festival of democracy. An exercise- which is very interesting for a person like me. Even tough i take deep interest in politics and have moderate to lenient view on most of the hot topics that effect us in and around, but still I got some germinating ideas. First it started with the most brilliant marketing blitzkrieg by Mr. Narendra Modi. He started with this superb idea of adding 'chowkidar' in front of everyone's name. I feel this one move itself-- just to let identify his loyalists with a tag of watchmen is taking him to success. Means- who will not like to identify as watchmen for his country, ever watchful, common person. I was tempted too to do the same- then i questioned myself. Have i not een watchful enough all these 4 decades. Didn't i watch first television in community viewing area- the mass outpouring of grief after assassination of Indira Gandhi, she was mass popular politician. She was revered but had her shortcomings. But curiously TV entered through Asiad and during live telecast of her final journey. I remember as a 8 year old boy- people identifying themselves with black badge of remorse. Then those riots-- sikhs getting killed. Extremism everywhere. I also identified myself with left politics at its height. When it was fashion to say 'lal selam'. Anybody having was bourgoius...a term imported from Russia. and it was fashion to identify one with downtrodden. I read all available literature on left politics. I identified more with socialism. The isms clouded my entire schooling. Ideologies of ultra left to ultra right-- right from marxism, leninism and calls of ' duniya ke majdoor ek ho' to ' inkilab jindabad' all seem to me good. The social work of RSS, books of veer savarkar, hedgewar jostled with classics and das kapital too. Participating and working with international red cross, Rotract club- gave me more exposure. More identity. Each identity was as unique and colorful as today's ' main bhi chowkidar'. Participating in social activities- CRY, scouts, ncc, along with playing with all types of kids TT, hockey and kabaddi-- suddenly made me a person who questioned every 'ism... every damn thought process. I took to reading Swami Vivekananda, paramhamsha, read Gita, kuran and all vedas. some i understood, some were like- whats that?
Identity never became clear to me.
The reservations during mandal commission- frustrated me- still does. The missed opportunities- still made me feel I am very high caste!!! There were times- dark enough to make me forget all pains and jump into work head long.
Now when the identity crisis looms too much- I find solace in my own world. The identity crisis is real.
And I am fine. Because - we need to ascertain with basics of humanity.
I believe in doing good to others. My identity revolves around integrity and honesty. At various stages of life- i had done mistakes, learnt from them. corrected them and i am just fine.
I still believe in power of love. I still identify strongly with various -isms.. and all at same time. There will be time- when people will accuse that I have not taken a stand- so what? need we be correct always?
So what is my identity- A patriotic Indian, who loves his fellow being. I love the life and work i do and believe in helping others. Rest all- let it remain as identity crisis.
I am just fine.

Bring up Baba by Birsa-2

The flavor of the season was very aggressive. It was nationalism wear at your sleeve time. India and Pakistan were on brink of war. first the Pulwama attack then India doing deep air strike. one up manship all around. Then that diamond of a fellow- wg comm Abhinandan. What a fine gentleman. I thought Birsa is not keeping upto breast and i tried to tell him the news snippet. oh gosh!!! he was fully aware of all the geo political situation. amazing me with critical analysis. though i am proud indian and deeply patriot- but his hatred for Pakistan somehow jarred me. He was awake till late night- to wellcome Abhinandan but slept off. and in morning- first thing after waking up- did those idiots respectfully returned our wing commander Abhinandan. I assured they did. He was humming some song till the bus stop.
Pride.. at one corner...
little bit of sadness-- how to make him love more.
it was all mixed emotions.
Only people who are worthy of our contempt and hatred is planet's corrupt politicians and bureaucracy ( and i think they spoil the whole world- regardless of country-- those obnoxious people who abuse the trust and power reposed on them). how to tell him that. to a 10 year old who knows why Assad is bad? why pakistan is bad ? why imran khan is no better than mussaraf???

The generation is coming up smart, exposed to many things easily.

Then we decided to  see URI. the movie.
He was so excited. and whispered into my ears-- when it was a critical moment of film--- i told ya-- these Pakistanis are all idiots. Tried telling him-- later- there are good people and bad people on both sides. and in entire world. we should cultivate good people and abhor the bad ones. Good people outnumber the bad people. But bad people do something which is irreplaceable. they kill love and peace.

Oh my despair- what world we are leaving behind for our next generation. full of fights, anger and violence. Reminds me of - where all the flowers have gone??

Stories from street side

I often get into detailed conversations with taxi drivers.. maybe because i take deep interest in all people around me. Yesterday when I was returning from mumbai palace to hiranandani- my ola driver was unique. His name was devid and he had 5 star rating. I noticed it and complimented him. He has been driving trucks and now ambulances in morning time and evening ola. typical story of a hardworking man. He started sharing about his family. Father a truck driver. how he entered the business. How his love marriage happened with girl who is mba. How he saved money and bought a flat ( slum development board). all honky dory story- the somewhere down the creek the story came out to be a family- where the younger brother is alcoholic, and wife being in combative mood when he returns. I asked him- if he wants to change his lot. does he desire to get maximum out of his life.He fell into my consultancy trap and said yes. 
I told him when he returns home at night- he has to ask his wife-- sincerely- how was her day? and find out 1 thing that she has done very nicely and praise like anything. Same way to his brother- find out what he did good and then tell him why he is the best brother and why he does not deserve to have alcohol.He realized he has never done this- and i helped him realize-- that we expect the world to have empathy on us and show extra dose of love but we fail to show empathy to others and also never love enough. The garrulous guy went silent. But when i got to my destination- i could feel the guy had taken my advice and he will be executing the plan.
then the miracle happened. ... Devid called me today evening after nearly 18 hours after he has done the normal business transaction. gave me a sincere thank you. he told me how he in years altogether saw what his wife does for him and appreciated her. after 3 years-- yesterday night was one night when she was not sounding irritated with him. she was surprised. He told' magic ho gaya' .
The second incident was about the driver who took me safely from Navi Mumbai to Pune and in record time 3 hours despite heavy traffic. He was telling me how 2 young ladies refused to pay Rs230 as toll just because someone told them it should be part of taxi- outstation ola bill. He was asking me- why the same ladies could spend more than 750 rs in macdonalds were so hell bent on not giving rs230. I had no answer for him-- why we practice so little of empathy.

would it not be a better place for us - for you , for me- if each of us strive to become little bit more pleasant. Is it necessary to be shrewd and cunning to win the game? specially when the game is game of life?

Did you practice empathy today?

Inertia of rest and motion

This blog idea was originally triggered by a chain of thought of my friend Arnab.  During one of his lecture of strategy his prof told this-"It is better to be toasted than be still and eaten alive by moth". He shared this with me and that set me thinking.. how profound.. how deep this thought is. Change is inevitable but still people try to stop it. How many times i hear that--- 'it has been like that way' as if that is final...nothing can change it. Then it reminds me the curious case of nokia ( that press conference where the teary eyed CEO- told- we did nothing wrong, but we sank), Intel missing mobile revolution, fed ex phoo phooing amazon- 10 years ago, or 'touch phone??'. History is replete with instances and stories. once you have stopped changing- you are dead. Yes, comfort factors are always there but challenging self and to go forward is something that we have to inoculate as organisation DNA.
Always movement is required. if you are not changing- forces beyond you will just move you around. So till the time you have energy- you got to move around.Keep the changes, study, learn, implement.The day you stop, you are dead.
That is the concept of inertia of rest and motion. A potential catastrophic situation. If you rest- others in motion will move forward and displace you. If you are on motion- but in same trajectory- you will be outsmarted soon.
so idea is- keep moving, keep innovating.

Leadership thoughts-Teamwork (Courtesy Arnab)

There are forwards and then there are some originals-- in whatsapp. Some thoughts and some threads take you to different plane of realization. One was from my childhood friend- Arnab... with his kind permission- quoting it below-
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Friends, recently on behalf of my ISB 2019 cohort, I had a chance to interact with commandant of Wagah/Atari outpost. I want to share a key learning from commandant’s experience that is equally applicable in our professional and personal life. My intent was to look for key leadership elements that the corporate world can apply.
So my question to him was - ‘ Amid all work pressures, continuous threat from enemy and a large team to manage, what keeps you going and motivated ?’.  Commandant’s response came very naturally - ‘ Sirjee, गोली किसी के लिए भी सेम होती है. कामंडैंट हो या जवान, गोली किसी को भी मार सकती है. So, all of us in defence forces have a common threat and hence we build our own identity. That identity is known by our unity and camaraderie. We live for each other and protect each other that keeps us always motivated.The feeling of togetherness is ahead of any other feelings.’

Very simple yet Profound! Its trust, care for each other and a common purpose that keeps all moving amid unfavourable situations and perilous tasks. Let’s think this through and apply in our respective areas. May be we can turn our professional and personal world a better place with commandants simple tips.  And by the way - Commandant is also a KV-ite!
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This touched a chord somewhere- I was so touched that i did the usual forward. First was to loved ones, then to teammates, then to all whom i thought will benefit from it. I told and retold this story during the frontline leadership courses. 
The message that specially attracted me was the camaraderie during the tough times. That reminded me that leader is as strong as his team. Leader in any sphere of life should always be giver and nurturer. He/she has to sacrifice more to keep the common thread going on. If he keeps the team together then at time of crisis the team will give back. TEAM is nothing but together each of us achieve more. Leader is nothing but who binds and keeps it together by keeping the morale high and spirits up. An ideal leader has to work basis of chetwood credo. more on Chetwood credo and how it can be applied to leadership. But yes togetehrness starts from leader and then to team- which is hall mark of leadership.

Tribute to a fallen hero- 15 years later

It was Monday..First sales week of Jan2004. I remember the day.... I was feeling Lethargic and very sleepy. I had joined the new job couple of weeks back. The roles and responsibilities were getting assigned. The weekend was spent nicely. No.. it was not booze or partying that was acting like hangover ( Year change time is always a time to reflect, never had liquor). It was just a feeling of accomplishment. The new job offered 150% more money than the last job. Weekend I had splurged on 2 movies and bought 6 books. There was enough cash ( settlement from last job was done!!) in hand. I was feeling good about self. Cocky, accomplished and over confident.
Lazily pushing myself- I got ready and then picked up the bike key. There rested the Sunday newspaper... A story caught my eye. A Name.. Lt. Triveni Singh... A small agency report. Very dry news item. A militant attack prevented by an young officer in Jammu station. I think the news was titled something like- " Lt. Triveni played a real hero". quick reading and it said -- he was not required to, but he volunteered . He killed the 3 militants- who could have killed possibly 300 + pilgrims- who were in station that time.
I know that station, I have been there 2-3 times. .... crowded due to pilgrims of Mata vaishno devi. I could visualise the panic. and .. I could visualise the encounter.
Pushing the news item back- I started my bike. Reached office in koramangala from domlur. the intermediate road travel only 10 minutes. All the while the name .. stayed in mind Lt. Triveni singh. Reaching office--- yet to be given a proper place with other sales guys ( See--I was the junior most... and designated sales engineer!!!)- i had a place in server room. Researched the news item.
All of a sudden, Lots of memories flooded back...
A chance encounter..in one of the SSB for IMA. It was ( I think my 3rd or 4th attempt and i have forgotten the city- was it Bhopal or Varanasi .... i attempted SSB 7 times.. so excuse this one)- a typical young man. He was selected. The attitude in it self was the difference. His hobby was martial arts, he was national champion in that. The name was typical and stayed with me. I remembered how he wanted to be part of infantry. There were 2 guys debating during one evening of week long SSB ( He said Infantry is best, the other guy said Armoured corps).. finally they agreed- Infantry is king of battleground and Armoured corps the queen.Contrast that to- my only motivation  (year was 2000/01)to join Army was to forget the pain.. all pains of rejections and failures and what I thought I lost. As far as i remember-Both those guys went on to be selected. Memories fade, but I think i am correct in most particulars.

An electric shock went through me- when it sank within me. A guy of my age- showed such mettle , such courage and I was a mere sales engineer-- thinking I am on top!!!
In short- Lt. Triveni volunteered for QRT (quick reaction team). Led his team of soldiers and killed the terrorists- in close encounter. While doing so- he managed to save more than 300 pilgrims in Jammu station. One small 1 liner was a jolt to me. It was reported. Lt. Triveni was found very close to the last terrorist that he killed . lying down in a pool of blood- the 26 year old brave heart.. saluted his GOC . His dying words- " Mission Accomplished, Sir!!" . Yes, that guy was capable of that heroism, that leadership.
That day was one of my turning points- I decided-
I will never say no to an assignment. I will never ever give up.
My attitude to my work changed. My attitude towards my life changed. I put my heart and mind to work so much that excellence became a hall mark, a passion.Every sales win situation became a tribute to those guys. Those Gentlemen.. much better than me. who never complain what they don't have. Just do what has to be done. True Chetwood Credo. Be in what you love... maybe there will be failures etc... but still do your job perfectly.
Volunteering and taking up a difficult assignment became a professional pride- thereafter.
15 years has passed. I am grateful  and proud for the lessons learnt from Lt. Triveni and his supreme sacrifice. He may have lived for very short time. May have touched my life for may be not more than 1 day but taught me something- which stays with me forever.
A silent prayer to you--Please high five me, guide me in my leadership journey.
So that when I lie down- I can look in the eyes of HIM and can tell proudly just like you. Mission Accomplished, Sir ....