Bring up Baba by Birsa-4

Why are you so serious faced , Baba?-- the most dreadful question that i face.
The usual Saturday-- the days when both of us spend most time together doing chores. He- doing-Homework, projects, tinkering with robots, electronics, computers, katta practice and simple fooling around. Me- trying to catch up on never ending stuffs- next week- customer presentation, juggling multiple issues- all the while, catching up on technical reading and also just following the set down instructions to keep the gentle brat on track.The days i treasure the most... sometimes full of work to the last minute, mostly more rigorous even than normal week days but very fulfilling. but yes-- then that question from Birsa. Why the serious face?

Mostly my answer will be- I am thinking. I am concentrating.
Immediately he will answer- Chill!! Baba- sob thik hoye jabe (Everything will soon be perfect!!). That makes me realise this 10 year old Gentleman is me in mirror. That same optimism that defines my entire life. Deep breath... 1,2,3...Just enjoy the time with him.

Amrita gets less saturday's off now because of increased workload. But Birsa never complains. He is just happy to do as per the plan set by mumma and as long as Baba does not get paranoid -- he is fine.I think he treasures these too.  May be one day when he reads these lines (in future)... he can tell me what was the real deal? Did I meet his standards?

The standards are always high.
Birsa says suddenly--
You only told baba- not to worry- just to do your work to perfection. so why you are worried. You are doing the work, na?

Yes Birsa... but I am not sure.
I am under pressure..
I have many things to do. Too much of target and not much of safety net.
I am worried.

Thats ok baba...
.. Baba i think you are serious because you are taking yourself seriously.

So????
Yes I need to be serious about that tech day prep. I need to reply customer's email and answer & assure.why the gateway did not come, why fae did not do the work on time. why the package was empty? why the documentation on github is not clear?
or why you suggested this part and no support now? all life and death type stuff.

Na it is never so.. baba. You take yourself very seriously.

That is below the belt hit... birsa.

Baba- while you do your work. you should just do the work. Others are not thinking about you. So why to be serious about them.

Bam!! That's true....

======================
isn't it-- that true- i was prepared but at 11th hour customer changed the schedule. they were not ready.
Don't i know even though i will complete my stuff but there will be delays, loss of face. because the chain will never be complete. someone will not quote on time, someone will not update. Then the usual stuff. everyone busy. but doing what?
Maybe- i just think too much about myself.
Maybe.. or why maybe.
it must be- why to take myself seriously. noone is bothered what i think or do or feel.

so???

let us make that sky king paper airplane...this time- we make the folds better...

Never give up on- one sided love stories!!

"Sorry Sambit, you couldnot make it this time". The final words from the well dressed HR person had it's ring of finality. I was not surprised, but was sad. It was the dream technology company that i always wanted to work as an engineer. The criteria to sit in the mass recruiting exam itself was quite daunting. Somehow I could clear the written and the first interview.. but the 2nd itself was huge bummer. The academics track record that the company asked for- was not for me.You know that feeling... when that first sweet love you desired for and you attempt and then it remains like that. like that--- just in air. Tears welling out from internal somewhere. That turns and twists in heart. That forced brave face.. and you are out of that big hotel. 

Many had told me-- they are world's best Embedded company, making path breaking semiconductors. My dream... VLSI field. That year was phenomenal.. I could handle this rejection also--another one sided love affair. I wonder how a 23 year old could handle 3 one sided love affairs and its rejections.

Scratched it all 3- all off--one by one- attempted but failed.

But never gave up. Never ever gave up on the love affairs.

Kept it in view.. in sly..just like any other one sided love affairs,obstinately true to self, true to heart. When did i ever listened to cold reasoning of my head?

Next 5 years-- gave me 1 more opportunity-- this time for the position of MTS- wireless engineer. They were working on 3G. This time- the rejection was short and very quick. i think they asked me 4 questions- and it was disaster. By this time- the 8 rejections in SSB was distant memories. So love affair with flying was getting replaced quickly by flights to all over the places. Being in program of supporting india's 5th Gen Aircraft had its own merits. Could see atleast from very close quarters-- those lucky chaps who get to ride those beauties. Somehow to stick my name to Air data computer... so there remains a permanent mark of mine.. with that love affair atleast. 

Ten years after graduation...I was 2 years into handling the biz affairs for my dream company.Gave it all that i had... Grew it like anything. Still it was -- like a love affair - which was never consummated. I knew for sure- it never will. So made it my own. Doing so much hard work that --i could reach one day a celebration dinner. I was feted and recognized...but not as her own-- but of channel.. That's still ok. Ahh. in that dinner that HR person also was there. Just for the sake of it... went , shook hands, people introduced me. clinked my glass. 

Another 10 years passed by. Flying all over the world - and the Tejas program seeing production- and I could tell myself. Now i can give up.

But a 20 hours of flight.. full flight i just saw the flight path. the technicalities proved to me.. the love affair with flying will not die ever.

at 8 pm- i landed in Fort Worth...

"Good evening Brother.. where do you want me to take you, today?"

Deep sweat broke through me... Did that somalian origin American saw something in me?

Somehow handed him the hotel address in East George Bush highway.

Then mustered enough courage- and asked him. Will you please stop near a boulevard once i see it?

Sure bro... you are paying sir.... pat came the reply.

soon I could see the entrance. What majestic. The lien card gone. no more love possible. even from far apart. Got down.

Brother- what is it? no.. you should not take picture. It is company building.. They may suspect. it is chilled here brother. let's go??

yes let us go.

Finally I could come and see you my love. Maybe he saw the tears.. the driver. Brother you are a good man.. donot ever give up.

Yes... I never give up. Never gave up my love for flying, never ever give up loving her, analog company now...it is anyways a one sided love affair. Why should i give up loving? what for?

 

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