Sense of loss and avoiding the tailspin effect

His glassy eyes-- told me the story so vividly. I knew the tempest inside his heart. I knew that he had taken a brave decision. I wanted to hug him and tell him it will be ok. Someone alerted me already- what he may be going through.
 But , waited... till he can tell it by himself. A test again that i do for my fellow soldiers-- am i correct in judging this young man to be a great individual. And I was not wrong....
While returning from the visit- in auto- over the din of Bangalore traffic- he finally told--" Sambit, I have decided to call off my wedding".I allowed him to explain the background. All the while I was actually feeling myself in his shoes. The years of rejections, losses, things which should not happened but happened-- flashed. Just wanted to tell him-- It is ok. Time will heal you, brother. But I did tell him- how incredibly proud i am of him.. of him maintaining the composure and taking it in the chin. Principles first. but then the loss is their.
Rejections and losses.
Another very close friend told me about crying all night because of loss of a close relation.I felt deeply, no amount of love was enough, no words were kind enough. No solace big enough.

 2 different end of spectrum. But personal losses nevertheless.You cannot clarify, you cannot judge. You cannot answer why ?
Dealing with loss- one easy way is to take refuge in some of the excellent books. I have always referred to Bhagwad Gita, Tuesdays with morrie and The last lecture for solace during personal loss.
In truth- we all know Death is inevitable but we want to stretch.. we donot want to believe. The day we are able to stare death at the eye and say-- it is time. i am afraid no more.. the doubts will melt. if it is time... then it is time to go. It is very simple. But we question.. why?

When it is loss or rejection-- for no fault of ours- we again question-- why me? There are increasing cases of depression and young kids-- thinking it to be a disease. All they have to do is think out and talk. Surround yourself with people who are positive, who really care about you. typically they maynot be the first one to like your fb post or IG post but will speak up or stand up for you always. If you have good mentor, good teachers, good friends- then the work of tackling the loss is easier.

It is good to cry, good to grieve, Good to say i donot know , good to feel the pain. But then we have to channelise- the pain and loss.

Visualise oneself to overcome that pain, now that it has happened-- what next? what is the next best possible thing. if you visualise that next best thing- you will get there. always happens.

Bye , Bye- KA03-MH9443

I never thought I will ever be so attached with an inanimate object. But then when I was getting into my car of 10 years 9months for a last ride- from office to home-- I decided to click the picture of the old lady. sometime in November-2007- good freind Sanket- literally shook me out of my famous non decisive mode and we bought this car. Color- Beige was Amrita's choice. Uncharacteristic of myself- I did not do any research also. Just went and found which one is within my budget and bought. Later people told-- ohhh , you bought a very poor model. It was Estillo LXI. Very rugged, very convenient for Bangalore roads and very very lucky for us. I remember- it used to be parked outside our rented house in Thippasandra. And one fine morning- Amrita found out to her horror that someone has dented the front fender. She was so upset. She cried and cried so much that I had to take her for a softie to a nearby icecream shop. I was very rough driver, and Amrita will always be gentle on it. The car saw all our adventures together. Never went on very long drive, but it was part of us. Numerous incidents are associated with it. So many pleasure trips within Bangalore. Birsa loved it...We three colleagues shared our commute- self, Panda ji, milind.Panda ji also had the same car but pink one. We used to call our $90M car -- a sum of  business- that we 3 were responsible for that times. Today-- if we calculate the business we are responsible for is just double. The same car- I remember- during sometime in 2010- I had the audacity of taking 3 Apex members from our office to TI office. Jane Neo, our sr. VP Marcom and materials found the car very cute. Terence, our Regional President- said nice car and Andy wong said- very comfortable car. I had a mouthful from colleagues about my audacity and behaviour. Later I had so many customer visits in it-- all over. So many memories created by this small car. Ferrying friends and family. I smile when i remember some famous quotes. Ramani once told- your car makes a noise like aircraft, but that meeting was super success.  so today when for last time it was on the ramp--- i felt like saying thank you!! From that same designated slot .. with full confidence I have gone ahead.. always to Win.
May someone- equally lucky get you. Good bye KA03-MH9443. You served me well. Amrita will only be able to welcome the new car, Could not say bye to the old lady.

Learn, Share, Lead & Inspire- My 4 steps

Learn-
That is first step for a field person. specially if you are a technical field sales person or techno-commercial guy!!! Everyday is a process of learning and unlearning.Rather we have to unlearn and be in receptive mode to learn. Each encounter, each customer visit, each interaction is a great learning experience. When i get too much mired into daily work- i spice it up. I focus myself to know what am i learning from what i am into. that is sure indicator for me to spur myself up. Even if I am into a very boring meeting ( you can't avoid them, despite doing homework and trying to excuse yourself from many of them)- I try to get myself- into learn mode. Learning mode is something that takes me forward. Reading books has been my habit. I like reading anything and everything ( even the contents of shampoo bottle!!). Reading gives me insight. In last one decade the content has just exploded , thanks to wide reach of WWW. This has been boon for me. so much content, so much to read. But we need to be cautious- sometimes- it is huge time waste- if you just see non value add content. Always curate the social media, the medium to throw up links or genre of your choice.

Share-
Even though learning is continuous- we need to share it with others. Hinduism has always told share the knowledge, if you share it - it grows. In modern times-- I find when you share- people may like , may not like. Some will reject you, people have less time, less patience. We are slowing forgetting how to read, how to think, how to converse meaningfully. In many meetings- I find the attention span is less. So I try to share my main value /message in first 15 seconds.. at the most 2 minutes- after that people are back to their mobile.It is becoming acceptable practice for people to be physically present but not focused. But share we must!!
Sharing of knowledge is important. sometimes- you may be deemed preachy, people will laugh at your back, but keep sharing. Life is very short , when related to the vastness of cosmic timelines. Funny... my colleagues once gave me a cup " Baba ramdev award"--- citing this sharing philosophy of mine. and once more--- another cup" wikipedia award". So even if that happens.. that's it...

I also feel- we should share our wealth. you may be millionaire, you may be billionaire, you may be salaried-- with hand to mouth existence. but there is always some unfortunate people around. Share your wealth. This is subject to practice. Numerous excuses will rise, best i found is- put an ECS of xyz amount to 1 or 2 charity. It works. what you give, comes back many fold.
You will occasionally be cheated, many times taken advantage of. you will feel it also- but still donot forget to give.

Lead-
Leaders are made . you can make yourself a leader. you may not have people to lead, no direct influence, may be the bottom rung official, may be just the ordinary joe. But you can still lead. there are ways and means.First find out what you believe in- then implement. That will help to lead. Influence people by following BAP principle...Hmm. what is BAP principle ( ok- let me see.. if you are interested- get in touch with me. )It is powerful technique of influencing people.

Inspire-
Finally Keep inspiring people. first be positive. Keep giving positive vibes around you. Do good to others. Keep Inspiring till the last breath.

Notes for Self Improvement-3- unnecessary lies

This one trait- also i hate. I lie...
I lie to do good.
I lie to save someone.
I lie to do many things as a sales person.
I make stories.
Many times- on hindsight it was not required.

But not for self profit.. in most cases. and that is strange. I have done mistakes and got punished. Not a single time- when i lied for my benefit- i actually got anything. so that is big solace.
Leni deni .. bhul chook.

but at this juncture- when i think I have another 2nd half to tread through- i need to improve.
I have fought with myself and have reduced this.. but still i can make it perfect...
Way to go.

Notes for Self improvement-2- Avoid Procrastination

If there was ever a gift from God- I will like to ask for the ability to get over my habit of procrastination. I am so self aware and ashamed of this particular trait of mine. This is no.1 enemy of my growth. In pursuit of excellence i have always stumbled on this rock of procrastination again and again.
Earliest memory- reminds me of instance when I delayed giving my name for that debate competition. Was denied entry ... and forced to listen. I was kicking myself- the field was weaker than expected and I could have got that coveted trophy. Next year was too late- the competition was stronger and i could barely manage a 3rd prize. shame was- I did not try...

so many instances flood me right now.. that delayed SSB practice, that delayed decision to pursue my course in engineering (but that had a positive aspect, a consolation-- the friends i got were sublime).. but all of them give a feeling was it destiny or missed chances?

One procrastination I can never forget till I go to grave...  why I was not bold enough? why I put off expressing myself fully ?  was i too young to go further? a step further. agreed it was one sided.. but never asked at that time. left it for providence and a foolish concept of next time?

Each stage of my life- I have been hounded by this fallacy of mine. and my soulmate came to my rescue. She gently pushes, nudges and prods... never nags. Gives me time to reflect. Gives me pro- and cons. that works. Thanks BB... I may not have reached this much also- without that.

Keep reminding me...

and  my soulmate of providence-- you promised to make me better. I know there is next time.. keep motivating me.

Notes for self improvement-1- Practice Humility

Another sales win, another design win and it is always that feeling- " I am master of all that i survey". Then the kid inside myself feel elated and the feeling comes" I can win anything and everything"... Then the natural bragging comes to me.

But wait....Is it that important? and for what I am elated..??
Then the way back- that urge... I must listen to the song.....Don't get me wrong. the urge is so strong I stop on the side of road- and search for the song in youtube-
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDbuSOI1Vnc ( E monihar amay nahi saje) .. The cobwebs of the mind gets cleared.
Gitabitan- states that Poet wrote this when he was going through conflict between feeling of achievement and rejection of situation when he was being praised from all corners prior to receiving the Nobel prize. I think no other song could have captured my mood so well.

This jewell-studded chain is not match for me.
It hurts when put on; it clatters while attempting to break.
It suffocates, choking my vocal tune
It is distracting and I am unable to concentrate.
That is the reason why I am on the wait,
I wish to put the chain across your neck and be relieved.
Gracefully receive me with floral garlands
I shy away from you because of this jewel-chain.

Can I practice humility? more?
that i have to- sometimes when in thick of battle, when i feel elated- i just have to remind me- everything is transient. there have been more failures than success. I have done more mistakes than correct things at one go.some mistakes- I could learn from, some mistakes -- i continue to do.. so what is there to be proud of.

I have to be more humble. Enforce it.. Humbleness brings peace.
I have to remind myself everyday- to be humble.. while still pursuing perfection.