Identity Crisis

It is election time- 2019 General elections. Elections in India is a spectacle, it is dance of democracy and festival of democracy. An exercise- which is very interesting for a person like me. Even tough i take deep interest in politics and have moderate to lenient view on most of the hot topics that effect us in and around, but still I got some germinating ideas. First it started with the most brilliant marketing blitzkrieg by Mr. Narendra Modi. He started with this superb idea of adding 'chowkidar' in front of everyone's name. I feel this one move itself-- just to let identify his loyalists with a tag of watchmen is taking him to success. Means- who will not like to identify as watchmen for his country, ever watchful, common person. I was tempted too to do the same- then i questioned myself. Have i not een watchful enough all these 4 decades. Didn't i watch first television in community viewing area- the mass outpouring of grief after assassination of Indira Gandhi, she was mass popular politician. She was revered but had her shortcomings. But curiously TV entered through Asiad and during live telecast of her final journey. I remember as a 8 year old boy- people identifying themselves with black badge of remorse. Then those riots-- sikhs getting killed. Extremism everywhere. I also identified myself with left politics at its height. When it was fashion to say 'lal selam'. Anybody having was bourgoius...a term imported from Russia. and it was fashion to identify one with downtrodden. I read all available literature on left politics. I identified more with socialism. The isms clouded my entire schooling. Ideologies of ultra left to ultra right-- right from marxism, leninism and calls of ' duniya ke majdoor ek ho' to ' inkilab jindabad' all seem to me good. The social work of RSS, books of veer savarkar, hedgewar jostled with classics and das kapital too. Participating and working with international red cross, Rotract club- gave me more exposure. More identity. Each identity was as unique and colorful as today's ' main bhi chowkidar'. Participating in social activities- CRY, scouts, ncc, along with playing with all types of kids TT, hockey and kabaddi-- suddenly made me a person who questioned every 'ism... every damn thought process. I took to reading Swami Vivekananda, paramhamsha, read Gita, kuran and all vedas. some i understood, some were like- whats that?
Identity never became clear to me.
The reservations during mandal commission- frustrated me- still does. The missed opportunities- still made me feel I am very high caste!!! There were times- dark enough to make me forget all pains and jump into work head long.
Now when the identity crisis looms too much- I find solace in my own world. The identity crisis is real.
And I am fine. Because - we need to ascertain with basics of humanity.
I believe in doing good to others. My identity revolves around integrity and honesty. At various stages of life- i had done mistakes, learnt from them. corrected them and i am just fine.
I still believe in power of love. I still identify strongly with various -isms.. and all at same time. There will be time- when people will accuse that I have not taken a stand- so what? need we be correct always?
So what is my identity- A patriotic Indian, who loves his fellow being. I love the life and work i do and believe in helping others. Rest all- let it remain as identity crisis.
I am just fine.