Jacobin Cuckoo

Maybe just for you
I have been waiting forever
I know dark clouds
being unique
I wait for you forever.

I drew that myself
The dark clouds
I wait for you
From beginning till end
Just to know you

I donot know if it will ever
happen or not.
Nevertheless i still wait-
countless dark afternoons
have passed
the arid smell has turned into whiff of mist
Still I await to quench my thirst

I know you are unique...
I know the dark clouds will
increase my hope
I wait still
Neck still.. and stiff
with increased hope

If ever at this end-
i fly from end to end
I can reach to the end
just for you

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Jacobin Cuckoo-- Chataka in Sanskrit
above poem is inspired by words of song- sudhoi tomar jonno (manna dey) seasoned with  my twist ,and quirks :-)

Bouncing back from dissapointments...2 simple drugs

Two things I force myself to do to bounce back from deep disappointments. 1st is immersing myself in a very good fiction book, anytime I will have a long pending half finished book. 2nd is writing down.. it used to be journals earlier, nowadays I try to write down in notes app.. then may be if not very personal share it in this obscure blog entry that I maintain. Alternate to my first idea is immersing myself in very hard and difficult work. Basically keeping myself away from negative emotions. There is always the opportunity to talk with someone very close... Maybe best friends , parents, wife or son or with teammates. Increasingly I find people not much interested in conversation but they are all connected. All the apps , socialmedia which are fantastic connectio
n enabler but somehow something is missed.
I also believe the down times like these has helped me a lot. Whether it was loss of an important place in March past or at the last moment thrown out of extempore speech competition. The reading of les miserables in 4 hours flat helped me a lot. In one case I remember I wrote a long article and it got published. Later when I grew up and in college I remember the poor academic records used to put me in dumps but  reading good books used to perk me up. I remember reading a brief history of time ..Surrounded with mosquitoes after failing a particular subject for 2nd time. I still get nightmares about that. My greatest downtime was in year 2000.. when I faced multiple rejections , hurt and bruised- I had to.employ both no.1 and 2 trick. But the fiction was replaced by scriptures like Gita, vedas and re reading of works of swami vivekananda and swami abhedananda. On a particular winter night , I remember writing pages and pages of emotional poetry. Then late at night understood it is of no use. The pages and writings .. I tore them.off slowly but deliberately and threw them.over mutha river. That bridge walk was one of the loneliest. Tears of anguish but then I calmed down. Next 2 years I worked like a man possessed. Slowly but steadily I got grips. It took me 10 years of struggle and very very hard work to come to little bit of sanity. Things started looking up. Small but significant success started coming up. Still there were deep disappointments. Seniors taking away credits, peers just sidelining you, teammates back stabbing... Once I worked very hard to get a line card and when everything was set and I was expecting that I will get the chance to go to US to study more about it.. boss assigned it to someone else.This time binge reading of 12 Agatha Christie's and 3 omnibuses of PG Wodehouse helped. Today again when another such lost opportunity and that feeling comes... Such things you cannot tell also. Hence I wrote... Will it help if i post it.. who cares?? And next I will read again a Wodehouse and mati nandi...So what I did all the hard work for 15 years and others will enjoy the adulation of supplier in US. There will be better opportunity for me.